Tittyology

Overdue Pics

I realized I never posted these pictures. (Never dreamt I'd be posting pictures of my boobies on the internet...I don't mind sharing them, as my friends well know. -- hee hee -- Who would have guessed that there could be a non-slimy reason to post pics of your boobs?)

Here's the mastectomy at 2 months - actually, these were two days shy of two months on September 11.

The scars over the nipples have gone down significantly. The lumpectomy scar is really fading.

So, what do they feel like? I kept taking paper or some other object and touching them to see where I have feeling and where I don't. The further out I get from the nipple, the more feeling I have. The feeling is mostly in the outer skin.

(It's odd to see something touching you and realize that you can't feel it.)

I have discomfort at the armpit area and along the sides of the "seams"/incisions. It'll feel like someone's sticking needles in me. I think some would call these "twinges". It's probably severed nerve endings trying to figure out what the heck happened...and probably none too happy about their situation.

I also have some discomfort along the sternum.

None of it is too terrible. Occcasionally, it'll catch me unawares, and I find I'm reaching for my chest because of an "owie.". It's a little like being "goosed."

See!! Don't those seams look good?!

You can really see that the scar around the nipple has gone down...I sometimes think it's the really tight booby harness that has worn down those scars!

It's these little details that I'm always asking other women who have had it done. So, I figured I'd post it here. Hope it helps!

Twitching Fingers

I was starting to feel like I needed a nick name...something along the lines of "Louis Leftfinger"...except my problem has been on my right hand - my right index finger to be precise.

It's finally stopped, but it's been twitching for two weeks solid! (It's a funky sensation to have your appendage take on a life and movement all its own.) My brain is sending one message and my finger is doing something else entirely. It began periodically and then seemed to build into what seemed like one frantic twitch-fest. I assumed this had to do with the mastectomy. After all, they did have to sever nerves to get the job done.

Along with the twitching, I noticed a "numb" spot in my upper arm and again assumed that the two, the twitching and the numb spot, were related...and that all of this, of course, was related to the mastectomy.

The ta-ta related twitching was one thing I didn't know to expect from the surgery...and it certainly isn't something I'd consider major. After all, it's not capsular contracture or anything along those lines, just something I noticed.

Bring out the boobies!

Even with the tape and incisions, I think the new tataz are looking pretty good. I love the new shape! (Gotta love droop-proof boobies.)

What's amazing is that I have feeling on the right side. I was told that I would lose sensation, never feel anything again. The docs said that feeling might eventually return in the skin, but probably never in the nipple and that the nipple would never function (respond to cold, etc) due to all the nerves being severed.

I can't explain it, but I have feeling on the right side. Actually, I'm thinking it has to do with visualization. One of the things I kept picturing was getting the feeling back in my boobies.

There has been very little bruising. You can see a yellow patch on the right booby (left side of picture) and some under the left nipple (right side of page), but my boobs were never black and blue - I never saw them looking "frankenboobish".

It seems that stretching out the lumpectomy scar made it look even better. The tapes are staying on until at least August 21st when I next see the plastic surgeon. He said that leaving the tape on longer makes for a finer scar.

It may seem silly to sound vain in light of being cancer free, but I don't see it as vanity so much as another "win" for me in the big "C" arena.

By the way...

The answers to questions (a), (b), and (c) in the post "What does Your husband Think?" are: No, No, and No.  :  )

What does your husband think?

This is one of the things that perplexed me with the whole big "C"....when I told people I planned on having my boobs off, there were times when the first question was, "So, what does your husband think?"

Huh? What I wanted to say was, "What do you mean, what does my husband think? They're not HIS boobs...not attached to HIS body...HE's not the one who has cancer!"

...but I didn't say that.

My mom and I got to talking about this because people and relatives (not that relatives aren't people) said the same thing to her, "What does her husband think?" And, frankly, my mom being the redhead she is, thought the same thing I did.

I know people don't mean to be rude, and frankly, I didn't take it as rude. I just found it rather odd. Why should my husband's response have been anything less than supportive? After cogitating on it a bit, here are a couple of possibilities for what these people may have been getting at with, "So, what does your husband think?"

They could have meant:

(a)"Is he worried about not having access to real boobs?"

Or, perhaps:

(b)"Is he going to think less of you, or see you as 'damaged goods'?"

Or, even,

(c) "Aren't you afraid he won't find you as feminine or as sexy?"

Now, mind you, I never once thought that my husband might react this way. Mostly, because I know my husband - he's the best, but also because I was focused on doing what was best for me and my health.

Maybe...they were getting at our physical relationship and how that would change? This is a legitimate concern...more for me than for him, though. (He and I did talk about that...not in terms of whether or not to have the mastectomy, but in terms of how things would be different physically. That's the reality of what I was choosing to do...I was drastically altering my body, and there would be changes, but the talk wasn't a matter of debating the procedure because of what HE might lose. We talked about how I'd handle loss of sensation.)

Just so you know...my husband's response was never anything less than supportive. I made the decision about what to do. All that mattered to him was that the mastectomy made my chances of recurrence the lowest they could possibly be, and this increased the probability that we'd be together for a long time and that I'd be healthy.

I don't think there's any other appropriate response from a spouse or partner. Do you?

Morphine is a wonderful thing

Actually, what I should say is that a PCA morphine drip is a wonderful thing.

I'm not a druggy nor do I have an addictive personality, but trust me, if you're having something like this done, the PCA's what you want. My doctor prescribed the PCA for me without my having to ask, but I was ready to request it. I have a friend who's a nurse, and she had advised me to make sure that this is what I got. She said that patients with a PCA usually require less medication. Plus, there's not that anxious feeling that you have to wait for pain relief. It's right there, and therefore, you're less likely to use it, and you've got it when you need it. Therefore, you can stay ahead of the pain...and this is key to managing pain - Don't get behind it. (I did that and will share later. It is hard to catch up once the pain's started...I got cocky, and that's an example of what NOT to do.)

A PCA stands for, I believe, "Patient Controlled Analgesia". So, you're hooked up to the drug and given a button to control when you get it - you hit the button and the meds are delivered... and there's a control mechanism on it so that you don't overdose yourself. For example, as I recall, I could only get a dose every six minutes.

Check out this picture of bliss:

This is a picture of the "magic of morphine". Just had body parts removed, and I'm feeling no pain.

When the nurses were getting me set up, one was wondering if it was working. (Look at my face. Um, we think, "Yes, It's working.")

I don't know what the confusion was. My nurses were fantabulous! All I remember is one nurse telling the other that I had hit the button 13 times...and this was in a short period of time, so I'm sure I didn't get 13 doses.

I just found it funny but didn't think I had hit it that many times. I do remember being cognizant of avoiding pain. So, maybe I did. I had heard that the pain from a mastectomy is hideous...women who have had children and a mastectomy have said that the pain of giving birth doesn't even come close to touching the pain from a mastectomy.

I've got to say, I've had some good drugs, some great advice on staying relatively pain-free, and I think visualization has helped immensely. I also think that one of the things that has helped with pain management is that I was completely at peace with my decision. I felt that this was for my highest good and was what was best for me.

Of course, there is some fear of the unknown, but there was no doubt about my decision. I think I was well-prepared mentally, physically, and spiritually for the procedure and for the loss of my boobs. In my mind, I was gaining my health.

Growing up and out...

I had to share...I'm an aunt, and she's the cutest! It's going to be a blast being an aunt. Mom's having a great time being a "nana". (She's actually still deciding on what she wants to be called...but it's definitely not "granny". Maybe "Baba Betty" - my sister-in-love is Russian.)

As I left and said goodbye to my niece, I happened to think, "She's going to be a lot bigger the next time I see her...and so will my boobs." (Mastectomy is in a few days.)

  Mr. Furballs is my "adoptee" from last year. I can't have pets where we live, and my mom agreed to take him. He's a doll...but he doesn't like the camera being pointed at anyone. He parks himself between the subject and the camera...just in case.