Tittyology

Maids and Meal Service...leftovers from the mastectomy

Just a little over a month ago, I was on the phone with a good friend of mine. We were talking about one of our favorite topics...creating our ideal life.

We were making a list of things and experiences we wanted to add to our lives.

We both put the following two things on our lists:

1. Maid Service
2. Meals - i.e. eat out or order in any time we wanted - or go to one of those dinner prep places...or perhaps have a maid that cooks when she comes in. (I used to tutor for a family whose weekly maid would throw together the most wonderful soups while she was there.)

After the mastectomy, I lost my desire to cook...my cooking mojo has only recently returned, and even though I have cleaned since the surgery, it's someting I no longer desire to do. (It's also a service I'd highly recommend while undergoing treatment. I didn't have it, but looking back, this is what I'd do. When friends ask how they can help, say, "I'd love some people to take turns cleaning my house." Then don't feel guilty. Just say "thank you" and enjoy...and focus on getting better.)

Here's the point with the maids and meal service...

I arrived in Bahrain and have had both of these experiences for the past 3 weeks...and I am LOVING it.

The maid, Mimi, lives in the building, comes once a week, does an amazing job and is a really nice person.

I've only cooked a couple of times here...every restaurant delivers, and I mean every restaurant - even fast food like Burger King. (And, no, we haven't been eating fast food.) I've been enjoying Al Abraj and the Indian butter chicken from a place called Georgia's. When I want breakfast, I've just walked onto the base. (Tonight, we actually going to Al Abraj with friends for dinner...Al Abraj is the place where I get the lemon mint juices...got one again today after lunch, and I watched the guy make it so I'd know how.)

My point here is not to say, "Neh, neh, neh. Look at what I have."

My point here is look at how EASY it was to get. I'm not making any more money than I was when I made the list. I didn't even have to go out and interview anyone. Yet here I am in another fabulous house, with an amazing maid, and meal service...ordering out for great food whenever I want.

I became fascinated with "how the universe" works and with success and health and money during my run-in with cancer. I saw things happen in my own body that were not supposed to be possible.

I had great doctors, but I created that health in my head first. I decided in my head how I wanted the surgery to go...and what's funny, is that my four-hour surgery ended up taking less than two...when I imagined the surgery, I didn't know all the middle part so I would "fast forward" through those steps. Doctors and attending said it was like some simple outpatient surgery - not a double mastecomy with reconstuction!

Turns out that my daddy was right. Life really is, "Mind over Matter." He would always say that.

That's what's going on here with the maids and the meals.

All I did was declare what I desired...and here's the key, I imagined myself having it. I was excited about having it.

We get things in our HEAD first. If you can think it, you can have it, do it, be it.

Our HEART brings it to us. Feeling is the fuel.

It is really that simple.

But, I had thought about having a maid for a while...especially after I recovered from the mastecomy and was reevaluating how I wanted to spend my time...cancer will make you think hard about how you spend your precious time, and I didn't want to spend mine cleaning!

I even had gotten business cards from a couple of services...but I hadn't made the calls or taken action. (Part of the problem was that "having a maid" didn't fit in with the Puritan ideals of hard work. Having a maid seemed decadent...even for me. Again,the feeling wasn't supporting belief or even wish.)

So, what was different this time?

Why would this declaration about having a maid be any different?

Here's what it is...I declared it. I tried to picture it in my head - I've never had a maid so I didn't know what it'd be like, but I imagined it, and I got excited about it...and let it go.

As long as you WANT something, you will never have it.(Reread that until it sinks in.)

I started acting as though I already had one. I would think about my life as though the maid were already present.

...And a few weeks later, I'm in Bahrain with a maid - and an amazing one at that. She's great! Cleans really well - and I'm picky! I expect someone to do the kind of job I would do.

Having the maid here has given me a "taste" of that experience, of what it would be like to have a maid. (And it's pretty great.)

Every night for dinner it's just a matter of deciding whether we want Thai, Indian, American, Mexican, or fast food.

The Trick - or the place where people get tripped up -

What's been interesting is that I found that I was actually uncomfortable having someone do things for me that I'd normally do. I'd said for a long time that it'd be nice to have a maid, or I'd say how much I really wanted a maid. Yet, when I actually got one, I was uncomfortable. I didn't know how to act.

This is important because if what we say we want doesn't agree with how we feel, we'll never get anywhere with the goal. Your feeling is the fuel, remember?

So it was important for me to notice that I was uncomfortable and then learn how "to be" with a maid service. It was important to "learn", yet again, how to be taken care of.

The first day Mimi was here, I spilled something on the floor. I grabbed a paper towel, and as I went to wet it, Mimi - who was doing the dishes - insisted that she would take care of it, and shoo-ed me away.

Notice that I had to get "used to" the experience.

Know that you can get "used to" an experience even if the only experience you've got of "the thing" is in your mind and feeling.

Notice also where I first created this experience...in my head and with feeling!!

I'm realizing that we are all making this so very hard, and it was never meant to be that way. Once I got the idea, image and feeling, I didn't DO anything or work harder - just the opposite. It came to me.

Important: If you aren't getting what you desire, I can guarantee you that there's a mismatch between your thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

Now that I've had this experience, I'm in a situation to recreate it - and something better - at will, and might I point out, without struggle and effort.

You are the supreme creator in your own life...God can do no more for you than you will allow to be done, no more than you are willing to receive.

Scars Update and Stories

I happened to notice that my scar on the left-hand side is starting to fade. (I'll post a picture later...not in the mood at the moment.)

I went to see both docs for my one-year check-up in July, and Dr. Roettinger, my plastic surgeon, was surprised and bothered that my scars - what I call the racing stripes - were still a fairly bright purple. They aren't raised up like htey were initially, but the color hadn't improved that much.

I wasn't terribly surprised as I have a tendency to scar easily...and when I get a scar, it takes for-ev-er for it to go away. (It was a bummer growing up in the south, having mosquitoes LOVE me, and being one who scarred easily...I wanted to swat not only the mosquitoes, but anyone who told me "just don't scratch it". Grrrr. You try it.)

What surprised me was that Roettinger was so sure initially that they'd be faded, or on their way to fading so quickly...I know my body, and while I was hoping he was right, I didn't get my hopes up on that one.

Truth be told, I really don't mind the scars. They are my daily reminder of how strong I am, and that I can do anything. They also remind me that whatever problem I'm facing in my business...it's NOTHING compared to facing cancer.

I think I've mentioned this before, but my brother says, "Scars ain't nothin' but a story." - and don't we all have quite a story to go with the scars across our chests?

Speaking of stories...whatever story you have about your scars and your run-in with cancer, please make sure it's a story that serves you, that makes you a winner. See your scars as signs of how strong YOU are, how resilient, how tough. See them as stripes from a battle YOU are winning (no matter how your battle is going physically)...cancer can touch your body, but it can never take or touch your spirit - unless you let it.

Anyway, when I noticed this scar, it seemed odd because only a piece of the scar seems to be fading...perhaps I won't have my scars tattooed after all. (I was contemplating tattooing if they remained the bright purple color...the upside to the numbness is that I wouldn't feel anything!)

Plus, I wouldn't want the tattoing to cover the scars. I actually like being able to see them.

Knitted Knockers!

Ladies, this is just fabulous for all kinds of reasons...I LOVE the name, and It's FUN...I see businesses and ideas like this, and I see people who are listening to their Inner Wisdom and answering other people's prayers as well.

When you follow your desires and intuitions, all kinds of good things happen!

I went to Maine a couple of weeks ago. (It's only a few hours up the road.) I went to Freeport (home of LLBean)...and I got to chatting with a gal in this very cool shop. (I'll have to find the brochure...great bags.)

Anyway, we got talking about cancer, and she told me about Knitted Knockers.

What a great idea!

I didn't have prosthetics - the kind you slip into your bra, but I've heard that they can be sticky against the skin, especially when it's hot. (Imagine having a plastic form up against your skin...or even in your bra where you slip it in.) I hear that they aren't high comfort.

Plus, I don't know if you've ever seen these silicone breast forms, but they aren't that attractive...and they can be expensive

Call me crazy...but I think visuals are important especially at a time like a mastectomy. Anything you can do to feel pretty - not that you aren't - but anything that lifts you up is a plus. Beauty and a pleasing environment are important for health, healing, and mindset.

These knitted knockers add comfort to breast forms. I hear that the knitted knockers are lighter, feel more like a real boob, and are more comfortable...and you know what, they're attractive!!!

Way to go  Knitted Knockers...and thanks for making them beautiful and FUN!

Here's how to start a knitted knockers group in your area. (I've tried to get pics off the site...go there to see how attractive these knockers are...they even knit nipples on them!!!)

Overdue Pics

I realized I never posted these pictures. (Never dreamt I'd be posting pictures of my boobies on the internet...I don't mind sharing them, as my friends well know. -- hee hee -- Who would have guessed that there could be a non-slimy reason to post pics of your boobs?)

Here's the mastectomy at 2 months - actually, these were two days shy of two months on September 11.

The scars over the nipples have gone down significantly. The lumpectomy scar is really fading.

So, what do they feel like? I kept taking paper or some other object and touching them to see where I have feeling and where I don't. The further out I get from the nipple, the more feeling I have. The feeling is mostly in the outer skin.

(It's odd to see something touching you and realize that you can't feel it.)

I have discomfort at the armpit area and along the sides of the "seams"/incisions. It'll feel like someone's sticking needles in me. I think some would call these "twinges". It's probably severed nerve endings trying to figure out what the heck happened...and probably none too happy about their situation.

I also have some discomfort along the sternum.

None of it is too terrible. Occcasionally, it'll catch me unawares, and I find I'm reaching for my chest because of an "owie.". It's a little like being "goosed."

See!! Don't those seams look good?!

You can really see that the scar around the nipple has gone down...I sometimes think it's the really tight booby harness that has worn down those scars!

It's these little details that I'm always asking other women who have had it done. So, I figured I'd post it here. Hope it helps!

Twitching Fingers

I was starting to feel like I needed a nick name...something along the lines of "Louis Leftfinger"...except my problem has been on my right hand - my right index finger to be precise.

It's finally stopped, but it's been twitching for two weeks solid! (It's a funky sensation to have your appendage take on a life and movement all its own.) My brain is sending one message and my finger is doing something else entirely. It began periodically and then seemed to build into what seemed like one frantic twitch-fest. I assumed this had to do with the mastectomy. After all, they did have to sever nerves to get the job done.

Along with the twitching, I noticed a "numb" spot in my upper arm and again assumed that the two, the twitching and the numb spot, were related...and that all of this, of course, was related to the mastectomy.

The ta-ta related twitching was one thing I didn't know to expect from the surgery...and it certainly isn't something I'd consider major. After all, it's not capsular contracture or anything along those lines, just something I noticed.

Bring out the boobies!

Even with the tape and incisions, I think the new tataz are looking pretty good. I love the new shape! (Gotta love droop-proof boobies.)

What's amazing is that I have feeling on the right side. I was told that I would lose sensation, never feel anything again. The docs said that feeling might eventually return in the skin, but probably never in the nipple and that the nipple would never function (respond to cold, etc) due to all the nerves being severed.

I can't explain it, but I have feeling on the right side. Actually, I'm thinking it has to do with visualization. One of the things I kept picturing was getting the feeling back in my boobies.

There has been very little bruising. You can see a yellow patch on the right booby (left side of picture) and some under the left nipple (right side of page), but my boobs were never black and blue - I never saw them looking "frankenboobish".

It seems that stretching out the lumpectomy scar made it look even better. The tapes are staying on until at least August 21st when I next see the plastic surgeon. He said that leaving the tape on longer makes for a finer scar.

It may seem silly to sound vain in light of being cancer free, but I don't see it as vanity so much as another "win" for me in the big "C" arena.

By the way...

The answers to questions (a), (b), and (c) in the post "What does Your husband Think?" are: No, No, and No.  :  )

What does your husband think?

This is one of the things that perplexed me with the whole big "C"....when I told people I planned on having my boobs off, there were times when the first question was, "So, what does your husband think?"

Huh? What I wanted to say was, "What do you mean, what does my husband think? They're not HIS boobs...not attached to HIS body...HE's not the one who has cancer!"

...but I didn't say that.

My mom and I got to talking about this because people and relatives (not that relatives aren't people) said the same thing to her, "What does her husband think?" And, frankly, my mom being the redhead she is, thought the same thing I did.

I know people don't mean to be rude, and frankly, I didn't take it as rude. I just found it rather odd. Why should my husband's response have been anything less than supportive? After cogitating on it a bit, here are a couple of possibilities for what these people may have been getting at with, "So, what does your husband think?"

They could have meant:

(a)"Is he worried about not having access to real boobs?"

Or, perhaps:

(b)"Is he going to think less of you, or see you as 'damaged goods'?"

Or, even,

(c) "Aren't you afraid he won't find you as feminine or as sexy?"

Now, mind you, I never once thought that my husband might react this way. Mostly, because I know my husband - he's the best, but also because I was focused on doing what was best for me and my health.

Maybe...they were getting at our physical relationship and how that would change? This is a legitimate concern...more for me than for him, though. (He and I did talk about that...not in terms of whether or not to have the mastectomy, but in terms of how things would be different physically. That's the reality of what I was choosing to do...I was drastically altering my body, and there would be changes, but the talk wasn't a matter of debating the procedure because of what HE might lose. We talked about how I'd handle loss of sensation.)

Just so you know...my husband's response was never anything less than supportive. I made the decision about what to do. All that mattered to him was that the mastectomy made my chances of recurrence the lowest they could possibly be, and this increased the probability that we'd be together for a long time and that I'd be healthy.

I don't think there's any other appropriate response from a spouse or partner. Do you?

Morphine is a wonderful thing

Actually, what I should say is that a PCA morphine drip is a wonderful thing.

I'm not a druggy nor do I have an addictive personality, but trust me, if you're having something like this done, the PCA's what you want. My doctor prescribed the PCA for me without my having to ask, but I was ready to request it. I have a friend who's a nurse, and she had advised me to make sure that this is what I got. She said that patients with a PCA usually require less medication. Plus, there's not that anxious feeling that you have to wait for pain relief. It's right there, and therefore, you're less likely to use it, and you've got it when you need it. Therefore, you can stay ahead of the pain...and this is key to managing pain - Don't get behind it. (I did that and will share later. It is hard to catch up once the pain's started...I got cocky, and that's an example of what NOT to do.)

A PCA stands for, I believe, "Patient Controlled Analgesia". So, you're hooked up to the drug and given a button to control when you get it - you hit the button and the meds are delivered... and there's a control mechanism on it so that you don't overdose yourself. For example, as I recall, I could only get a dose every six minutes.

Check out this picture of bliss:

This is a picture of the "magic of morphine". Just had body parts removed, and I'm feeling no pain.

When the nurses were getting me set up, one was wondering if it was working. (Look at my face. Um, we think, "Yes, It's working.")

I don't know what the confusion was. My nurses were fantabulous! All I remember is one nurse telling the other that I had hit the button 13 times...and this was in a short period of time, so I'm sure I didn't get 13 doses.

I just found it funny but didn't think I had hit it that many times. I do remember being cognizant of avoiding pain. So, maybe I did. I had heard that the pain from a mastectomy is hideous...women who have had children and a mastectomy have said that the pain of giving birth doesn't even come close to touching the pain from a mastectomy.

I've got to say, I've had some good drugs, some great advice on staying relatively pain-free, and I think visualization has helped immensely. I also think that one of the things that has helped with pain management is that I was completely at peace with my decision. I felt that this was for my highest good and was what was best for me.

Of course, there is some fear of the unknown, but there was no doubt about my decision. I think I was well-prepared mentally, physically, and spiritually for the procedure and for the loss of my boobs. In my mind, I was gaining my health.

Growing up and out...

I had to share...I'm an aunt, and she's the cutest! It's going to be a blast being an aunt. Mom's having a great time being a "nana". (She's actually still deciding on what she wants to be called...but it's definitely not "granny". Maybe "Baba Betty" - my sister-in-love is Russian.)

As I left and said goodbye to my niece, I happened to think, "She's going to be a lot bigger the next time I see her...and so will my boobs." (Mastectomy is in a few days.)

  Mr. Furballs is my "adoptee" from last year. I can't have pets where we live, and my mom agreed to take him. He's a doll...but he doesn't like the camera being pointed at anyone. He parks himself between the subject and the camera...just in case.