Tittyology

Getting over the Fear

I've had people ask me how I got over the fear. The truth is that it wasn't easy. No one wants to be faced with death, either their own or that of someone they love. I'm no different or stronger than anyone else.

I think there's no single answer for getting beyond the fear, and frankly, I don't know that you get beyond the fear. The knowledge or reality of cancer doesn't go away. It's there. Rather I learned that I could live with it. You make peace with it. After all, it was a part of my life. I learned that this fact could be there, and I could still be happy, laugh, and live life.

The fear was all-consuming at first. It was extreme panic...I was afraid that I would have cancer. I was afraid of causing pain to my husband, mom and family if I did have it. I was terrified of causing them that kind of pain. After all, what if I didn't make it if I did have it? I was afraid of not accomplishing things, of not having children. I was afraid of the unknown.

The truth is, we always live in the unknown. Cancer just makes this fact abundantly clear. Nothing is for certain...except change and death, as they say.

So, how did I get over it?? I don't think it was just one thing. It was a combination of many things which I'll share over several posts.

In no particular order, the following helped me get over, or around, my fear:

• Reaching out for help
• Researching - learning everything I could about cancer. It is not unconquerable or impossible to understand.
• Attending the YSC conference
• Looking for what cancer could teach me - illness can be a wonderful, if harsh, teacher
• Realizing that the cancer wasn't the totality of my life
• Discovering energy medicine and that healing can be more than just physical in nature
• Reading or watching funny books and movies
• Asking for what I needed - prayer, good thoughts, help with the dishes
• Taking time to just "be" - cancer forced me to do this, and I feel blessed to have been in a situation where I could do just that..."be"
• Visualization - you can create your experience of life.
• Journeying - I'll explain what this is and how it helped.

In following posts, I will elaborate on and add to this list. Each person's journey and experience is different. It helped me to hear others' experiences and suggestions. I hope it will help you to hear mine.

How have you gotten beyond the fear? How have you dealt with it when it creeps back?

Permission to be afraid

The nature of cancer is fear...I'm not saying it's the cause necessarily, unless you equate fear with an absence of love, but that's another discussion. (And I'm not saying that we cause our cancer. There are too many variables.)

When I say fear here, I'm talking about the "punch in the gut" when you realize that you are suddenly connected to this thing called "cancer", this thing that is so desperately feared in our culture.

So, the first response for many people is fear...actually, I would say it's more in line with "terror".

Cancer seems so big...and some are worse than others, but that doesn't matter because it's the big "C". What I noticed is the fear in other people when I told them my diagnosis. You can see and feel the other person's fear of the disease. This was the reaction I got from people, which I found both understandable and interesting...and one of the reasons that there's a great need for more understanding of this disease.

Cancer has such a reputation that, when you hear cancer, you immediately think "death", "suffering", and sometimes "undefeatable". I think these are all normal reactions. It was certainly my fear last fall before I was even diagnosed...when there was just the possibility of cancer. It makes oyu think of all the things you may not get to do. Your imagination can run wild as you picture what your life may become.

It's a crummy place to be, and needlesss to say, a scary place...the unknown, facing an enemy that's defeated many people. Never mind all the people who have beaten it, some more than once, and gone on to live full lives. That's simply not our first thought when we hear "cancer". I should say, that was not my first thoughts at even the possibility of cancer...my mind didn't immediately go to all the people who have won against the disease. (I wish I were that enlightened!) It went first to my aunts who had died so young...and I wondered if that would be my fate as well.

This is cancer's effect and also what makes it, or any other disease, dangerous. Fear suppresses the immune system at a time when you need it most. BUT, the last thing you need is denial. Do not try to be brave...not for yourself or anyone else. Feel the feelings, and you will eventually move through them.

Know that the fear is normal; it is human, and you can get through the fear. I eventually did.