I haven't posted here in a while.
The truth is...I had let all the blogs lapse. I've been rethinking everything I'm doing. (I still wrestle with only doing what I love to do, and I'm still learning to rely on feeling instead of my thinking for that.) In "letting go" of things and activities, I then feel free to take back only what I truly love doing with all my heart...and that's one of the many lessons I learned from cancer.
My mom's acupuncurist put it this way...so wise. She said that the Chinese have a saying, "Think with your heart, not with your head."
I keep owning that at a deeper and deeper level. After all, any of us who have had this disease, know that life is fragile, that time can be limited...life is meant to be lived, enjoyed and experienced.
I'm currently in Bahrain (an island right off of Saudi Arabia). I got very sick shortly after arriving...and of course, the thought crossed my mind - more than once - that the cancer was back.
Here's what happened...and some reminders about early detection. Early detection is key! Please read down the page to the Wired article...you'll be glad you did. (This post is from another blog of mine called, Soul First Living at www.soulfirstliving.com.)
Back (and no longer sick) from Bahrain
I'm back to reporting from Bahrain...and there's lots to report.
(That's my "new" hair. I got a little wild with the hair color and needed a fix. I also got a FAB cut...thanks for all to Natalie!)
Here's what happened... I have been out and about in Bahrain and seen some cool stuff, but a couple of days after I arrived, I got alarmigly sick. I didn't feel particularly bad - and it had nothing to do with the water or anything I may have caught here.
Since cancer - and any time I hit that "fear and death place" again - I pull back and really take a good look. I ask myself, "Am I LOVING what I'm doing?"
Then, I let go. I let go of any feeling of "wanting", any feelings of "pushing". I just sit back and enjoy life - taking that feeling of "just being" to an even deeper place.
I get reminded again that we only have a certain amount of time here on the planet. I remember that none of us has to "do" anything to be "worthy". We were created in perfection, and that there's nothing we have to "earn"...That our mere presence is enough...and I feel free all over again.
Here's are the details about what happened with my health...
(Anyone who's easily grossed out, skip down to "continue reading".)
Thursday evening after I arrived, I began bleeding profusely from places I shouldn't be bleeding. I'm not one to get overly alarmed...but I'll admit that I started thinking the cancer was back. The bleeding continued all night.
I finally went to sleep about 6 am. (I could have gone to the doctor...but I'm always one to wait - not always wise.)
By noon Friday, it had stopped. (Friday here is like our Sunday - and even the American facility was closed.) I could have gone to the Bahrain emergency room, but at this point, there was no bleeding and probably no emergency.
I drank a ton of water in an attempt to flush out my system - which apparently worked. When I went to the doctor on Sunday, they found no evidence of bacteria. The doctor felt fairly certain that it was a bladder infection even without the evidence of bacteria as my back and abdomen were sore. So he gave some meds.
(In case you were wondering, Sunday is like Monday here.)
I rested and felt much better. The aching and soreness in my back went away.
Continue reading : ) - squeamish part over
I will still go get checked when I return to the states. I'm certain it was a bladder infection. The medication worked, but it doesn't hurt to be careful, especially since there was no bacteria present at the time of testing...and I have, in fact, had cancer before.
I feel confident because I had some follow-up testing done a few months ago which showed no tumors on the ovaries or uteras...other than fibroids which are benign.
Just FYI in case you didn't know --- cancers like breast cancer, ovarian cancer and prostate cancer are related. Having one or any of these in yourself or in your family presents a higher risk of the others.
It doesn't mean you should walk around in fear. However, it does present an opportunity to stay on top of things which I plan to do because...
With cancer, catching it early is key.
In fact, there's a great article in Wired magazine this month about just that - the fact that catching it early is key.
The article is called "The Truth About Cancer" - I was blown away. Bravo to Thomas Goetz on a well-written, necessary piece of information...and bravo to Wired for having the balls to put this out there.
The cancer survival rate if it's caught early is 90%. If later, that number drops to 10%.
I've known this truth about cancer from my own experience.
This disease strikes such fear because people don't fully understand the nature of the beast.
Yes, it's scary as hell to hear the words, "It was cancer."
Part of the reason cancer is so scary for so many is that it's not caught until it's darn near too late.
When I went in for my first biopsy, I was terrified - and rightly so. I had three aunts who died around my age from the same disease.
When the nurse told me that I was in good shape, that even if it turned out to be cancer, I would be okay...I questioned her about why she thought this was so. After all, my family history said different. I had read about how dangerous breast cancer is in younger women and how it's a harder fight the younger you are when you get it, and I'd seen this to be true with my aunts and friends.
All I knew who had gotten disease young had died.
I wanted to believe this nurse...but why - if what she was saying were true, then why did so many young women die of the disease? I wanted to know why it was so lethal for younger women.
I'll never forget her answer.
She said, "Because nobody's looking for it."
In other words, the cancer's lethal because it's not getting caught early.
That news should have thrilled me to hear.
After all, she's not saying that it's because one cancer is worse than another or because one person's system is stronger than another...although these can definitely play a role in the recovery of health.
She was saying that the primary indicator of success in treating the disease was whether or not it was caught early.
In my later "run in" with the disease, I would run into the politics of "early detection"...you can read more about my experience in referral hell here and here at "Breast vs. Board of Insurance".
Here's a brief insight on early detection.
When the powers that be talk of early detection with breast cancer, early detection means 40 and over. The MRI, while not entirely accurate, is ideal for detection in younger women when used with a mammo because of the dense nature of the breast tissue when women are younger. However, it isn't - and won't be - used as a regular detection tool because it's too expensive. (They say it's because it's because the MRI gives too many false positives, but I've been told it's because it's too expensive.)
Just look at my story...I had a family history of breast cancer. There were already suspicious findings, and I was told "no" on the MRI recommended by my doctors. (If you read the links above, you'll see that they eventually agreed to pay.)
The news sensationalizes cancer and the media pushes for research money for a cure...but the truth is, there's already technology available to catch it early - but no one wants to pay for the tests. Rather the tests don't get recommended because of costs.
Doesn't it make sense to stop it BEFORE it gets started?
The GOOD NEWS is...when it's caught early , it is highly - and much more easily - treated.
Lives are being lost because "nobody's looking".
A last note...
I owe a "thanks" to the Wired article for reiterating for me the nature of the disease.
The article was perfect timing and reminded me that cancer is easily beatable if caught early. A gentleman in the article, Don Listwin, lost his mother to cancer and started an amazing foundation dedicated to early detection...and to making certain that these tools are affordable. (Go, Mr Listwin!!! And may God bless you and your work!)
His mother had had breast cancer years earlier. She was having problems and went to her doctor who twice diagnosed her with a bladder infection.
By the time they diagnosed the real cause of her problems - stage IV ovarian cancer - it was too late.
I will be going in when I get home to make sure that the bladder infection really was a bladder infection.
Thanks to Wired and to Mr. Listwin for the reminder!
The truth is...either way, I know that all is good, and that everything happens for a reason. I now know that under every seeming adversity lies an even greater asset. I know that everything - even cancer - goes to my greater good.
P.S. If anyone knows Mr. Listwin or his work, I'd love to connect with him. I think what he is doing is absolutely brilliant, and I'd love to help in any way I can. Besides my personal experience, I also have training that might be useful in his endeavors.
