ONE YEAR - Time to Celebrate!

I'm celebrating!!!

And, yes, I did have champagne this evening - love champagne! (I really like the Barefoot Bubbly...very drinkable.) I also bought myself flowers. (I'm currently at a hotel in St. Louis...thus the plastic cup vase.)

My hubs is in the country (that's why I'm in St. Louis)...he's taking me out to celebrate Saturday - the 19th is the "official" one year anniversary. We're not sure where we're going...but, of course, I'm thinking that chicken breast might be on the menu for me, maybe a variety of melons for dessert?

Even though the official date is the 19th, Saturday, I couldn't help think of where I was on this Thursday one year ago. I can't believe that one year ago today I was having a double mastectomy! It seems wierd...on several counts, one of which is that time can pass so fast...warp speed. (Yes, I'm a big Star Trek fan...just wish they could fix things like cancer with one of Bones' medical gizmos.)

Wednesday night, I was again thinking about where I was the year before...and even though I was comfortable and confident in the decision to have the mastectomy, just the thought of where I was "the night before the big event last year" made my stomach and heart do a flip. I could still "feel" it.

I remember being both calm and still scared...a strange combo. I remember a lot of people talking about how "brave" I was, and I remember thinking, "Ha...if they only knew." How is one brave when one thinks there's no other choice?

Courage?? Perhaps. I say "necessity" and the willingness to do what's needed. (My daddy always said I had the tenacity of a bulldog...maybe that was it.)

I remember going in that morning...no makeup this time. See, I think the "going without makeup part" was BRAVE!

(I didn't want to have to take it off afterwards. Didn't want to have to use the arms. So, I don't know how brave that is...it's more about the avoidance of pain.)

Either way, I thought I deserved some champagne and flowers. We have to be nice to ourselves...these "tatas" deserved a toast. (We dinged them with the cups...they didn't feel a thing.)

THIS IS WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT THURSDAY A YEAR AGO...

What I remember is the overwhelming urge to turn and run once I got to the check-in counter. Logically, I knew the surgery was the right thing for me to do and was good for my health. I trusted my doctors, but there was another part of my brain telling me I had lost my mind to let someone cut off body parts!

I was okay once I got into the prep room. Then, I felt myself starting to panic once again, and this time, I just started running through my visualization in my head.

I spent the rest of the day in a morphine stupor...Thank God for Morphine. I spent the next two weeks on a steady stream of Vicaden...I wasn't taking any chances with the pain. (Thanks to my friend Sara, who's also a nurse, for briefing me on pain protocols. And thanks to Dr. Tunney for turning me onto visualization and shamanic wisdom in healing!)

I will be speaking more and more on shamanic healing in the future. I've been remiss not to share. Truly, the shamanic techniques and knowledge and being introduced to that world not only reintroduced the world of my childhood to me, I credit it largely with the results we got with the cancer and surgeries..and I credit it very much for my peace of mind. Plus, all the great nurses and doctors I had, and the entire staff at Newport Hospital. (I've said it before and I'll say it again, I firmly believe in the use of both allopathic and alternative methods in healing. I don't understand all this either/or argument. Why not the best of both? Do what works.)

Lots of people have asked what I did...I will be sharing. I've been hesitant to do so, and not any more. Part of this whole experience from pre-diagnosis despair to the diagnosis and surgeries has been about owning who I am no matter what - no apologies.

I feel like I've been given a second chance. One thing I know for sure...I had searched for years for my Life Purpose to no avail. Part of the reason I was so disturbed by the possibility of cancer - aside from the fact that I didn't want to meet the Reaper any sooner than is natural - the reason I was so distraught was that I felt I hadn't found my Life Purpose yet. I didn't feel that I had found and accomplished what I was put here to do.

While I never would wish cancer, or even the mental torture of the possibility of cancer, on anyone, I can say that I wouldn't trade the experience. I've learned a lot, gained a lot – and yes, some of what I gained was in bust size. (Who can blame me?  I figured if I was going to have them off, may as well do some "redecorating".)

I've gotten very clear on my Life Purpose thanks to cancer. Actually, I credit my experience with cancer for leading me into a deeper knowledge of myself and the firm knowledge of why I'm here and what I'm to do...which I'll be sharing with you as well.

I officially launched my business today, "Soul and Success." I'll share more on that in another post...and to celebrate that launch, I'm offering *FREE* 30 minute soul reading sessions. I've been given much. I am grateful, and this is my way of giving back. Email me at the link on the top left to claim yours. Include your name, email and phone number.

(I'll be putting more info on sessions in the next post. I'll also be sharing about the 'real deal' about why I went silent on this blog for so long.)

I've also got another project I want to launch...I'm really excited about it. It involves direct assistance to women with breast cancer. I was in a great situation financially when I got breast cancer. But I know that other women, like one of my aunts, weren't. Managing cancer is hard enough without having to deal with financial worries or bills or how you're going to pay for groceries. It should never be a "treatment or light bill" kind of thought. Never. This project is my soul-ution. You'll be able to help!

So, lots to celebrate.

Most of all...I'm just glad to be here and to be healthy and to have found something I LOVE to do, something I was meant to do...my Life Purpose.

Two years ago when this whole ordeal started, I don't know if I could have pictured my current gratitude - or state of grace, really. I was so upset, angry, confused, and terrified.

But that is where I am now most of the time....grateful, at peace, and excited to be alive!