Welcome to your new school! (Wish it were as cute as the little red schoolhouse on the left...and just a smidge as inviting.)
Cancer is a harsh teacher, but over the last year, I have come to see it as just that - a teacher. (Yes, I realize it's a terrible disease that wreaks havoc. I get it. I'm not a Pollyanna. It has made me pretty miserable at times...and yes, I'm understating.)
BUT...one key to getting along in this life rather that being dragged through it, is to try to get the most out of every situation...even cancer.
So, what does cancer have to teach? Lots of things, but I think these are the BIG ones for me.
First, cancer taught me to Just BE.
When I say, "JUST BE", I mean sitting with yourself and letting everything be okay.
Sounds easier than it is...at least for me.
This one was one of the hardest for me. I'm used to being constantly on the go. Anytime I would sit down to "just be", I'd feel guilty for not being active, for not accomplishing something - cleaning the house, writing, unloading the dishwasher,finishing the work I brought home...You name it. (I had a military father who was strict about not sitting when there were things to do...and there were always things that I should be doing.)
So, as I said, this one was REALLY difficult.
It started with a recommendation from the ObGyn/Shaman I met with in December. She recommended some grounding activities every morning - kind of like centering meditation. I started doing this and then just sitting on the sofa watching the bare trees in the yard, watching the world go by. That was it. I did a lot of NOTHING for the month of January. I just let everything BE...including myself.
Eventually, I started to tap an inner quiet, an ability to "watch" my thoughts without feeling compelled to act, without feeling "pushed" by those thoughts and feelings. I found this was helpful in managing fear to a degree.
I would say that I definitely felt more of a sense of inner power and strength to face whatever came. It was after starting this practice in January, that I was able to start facing the possibility of cancer again in February. I attended the Young Survival Coalition conference which led me to get my slides read again. When those results were confirmed, I was ready for the lumpectomy.
SO, how about you? How long can you sit with yourself and let your thoughts run across your mind - no judgements.
Try it. Get up ten minutes earlier. Breathe deeply. Stretch if you feel like it, and then just be.
Answer this question: If you were able to "just be", what would that look like? What would that feel like?
P.S. Interesting note: After about four months of these grounding activities and "just being"...and an energy session with the shaman, I had a mammogram. Many of the calcifications in my left breast, were gone, disappeared, no longer there. It may not seem amazing. It didn't to me, even though the radiologist seem baffled. It didn't seem unusual until I found out that calcifications just don't disappear. It's supposed to be medically impossible.
