Tittyology

Beanie Boobies

This is a new category on Tittyology...and I LOVE it!

Leave it to the Japanese. I admire their quirky sense of fashion, love the food, and the country's given me one of my breast-est buddies. (She actually would roll her eyes at this one.)

Check it out. They're selling plush, stuffed breast toys....plush toys shaped like tataz.

They call them "breasts with at-tit-tude."

I realize that I may be crossing a line here that, once crossed, I may never return. First, I'm posting pictures of my own boobs. Now, I'm into Titty toys...it just sounds bad, doesn't it?

Notice that the darker breast above has a pierced nipple!

(If I were to do that, then that might definitely be too far...although when I think about it, I don't have any feeling in my left side. I wouldn't feel it which, from what I understand, defeats part of the purpose of having one's nipple pierced. I guess pain is a desired part of the experience...not that I know that much about nipple piercing.)

What I'm wondering is who their market is? What frightens me a little is that they're boobs with kid-like faces...I'm thinking creepy people with a thing for kids... shiver.

The itty bitty titty key chains are rather cute, though...but, wait, I already have a booby key chain. It lights up...and believe it or not...my right nipple still does, too. (Theoretically, I shouldn't be able to get "headlights" or "headlight" in this case - my left headlight is definitely out.)

Now I'm curious about nipple piercing...not getting it done. Don't worry... Inquiring minds have to know...I find the topic rather titillating.

Cancer sucks

Okay, so the word "sucks" isn't very lady like...or that intelligent.

I couldn't think of another word...stinks, bites, blows...not much better.

Maybe what I should have said is...

GRRRRRRRR!

That's how I feel.

What I want to say is, "I hate cancer." (Yes, I know this may sound odd, especially if you've heard me say that I now wouldn't change the last year for anything. I am a much better, stronger person as a result.)

Cancer just doesn't seem to want to go away.

Maybe it would help if I put up a "No Cancer Allowed" sign?

What do you think?

So, what's gotten me all riled up? Why have I seemingly - temporarily - lost my good humor? (I haven't. I'm just frustrated.)

I got an email yesterday from a gal I met at the Cancer Conference in February, and it wasn't good news. The cancer has spread. I knew that they had found three new spots after the conference, but they had started her on a new drug, and I thought it was working.

She started on another new drug yesterday. Pray for her...if you're the praying kind. She certainly is the fighting kind.

Then, I had another friend start radiation today...which is good news, I suppose. She had clean margins on the lumpectomy. I'm not bummed about her news. It just seems that cancer's everywhere...doesn't help that it's breast cancer awareness month.

As I shared in a post a couple of days ago, I'm very aware, all the time. Right now, it seems I can't escape being aware - and this is the "up close and personal" kind of awareness.

This is the IMAX version.

This is the holodeck experience. (Yes, I'm a Star Trek fan, and yes, I long for one of Bones' cure-it-all gizmos.)

(I hadn't shared this on the blog because I was away in Tuscon at the time...)

My mom had a recurrence scare...two months into her fifth year. One month after my mastectomy. Talk about worn out. It was like cancer didn't want us to rest or even to be able to enjoy being cancer free...we held our breath, and frankly, expected the worst.

The calcifications were at the previous surgery site and just to the side of it. It sure looked like the cancer had returned.

Mom dodged it, and it was welcome news. Talk about breathing a sigh of relief.

It was at this same time, that the friend I mentioned above was waiting for her diagnosis.

I just wanted to yell at it, "GO AWAY!" Or at least, "Give us a break, already!"

My friend, Babette, was diagnosed with DCIS earlier this year. She had clean margins and chose not to do radiation at the time. The recent lumpectomy was her second. The fact that the news was LCIS made it good news...could have been a lot worse. Thus, the radiation.

She started radiation today, and I've asked her to post about her experiences so that you get it first hand from her as radiation wasn't necessary for me because I had the mastectomy.

Keep an eye out for that info.

Maybe if we all get together and chant like we did as kids when we wanted the rain to go away so we could play:

Cancer, cancer go away!

Never come again, not another day!

"Natural" Boobs

This is "Booby Mountain". Cool, yes?

I took this shot in Anchorage, Alaska. The friends we stayed with told me about it...they actually live in the shadow of Booby Mountain.  Grin

Nice nipple, don't you think?

This gives new meaning to the term "Mother Earth".

Mysteriously Quiet

I know it may seem strange that a blog about boobs and breast cancer is mysteriously quiet about Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Truth be told, I'm not a big fan of breast cancer awareness month. I like pink, but that's not why I wear it.

The way I see it...I'm aware of breast cancer all the time, every month.

What gets me, is that they preach early detection. Early detection means if you're 40. That's when you have access to the "Titty Technology". That's when you'll start getting your mammos. (You may have a baseline at 35, and only if your doctor is progressive and believes in prevention...more are starting to do this, which is good. Yet, I say it should be even earlier.)

I've asked doctors across the country why not just screen earlier. Mostly, it's because the younger you are, the denser the tissue. This makes a mammo hard to see and interpret. So, they recommend breast self-exams with clinical breast exams starting in your 20s. (Cancer Prevention and Early Dectection Facts and Figures, breast cancer, p.30)

The problem is that if your breasts are lumpy and the tissue is dense, it's difficult to tell. 

In my case, which I consider lucky,I was getting mammos. (I had my first one at about 20 years old and yearly starting at 35.) No breast exam, self or clinical, would have caught my cancer. Was I lucky to have had a family history that warranted early mammograms? Did my aunts have to die so that I could benefit from early detection? That's why I was getting the mammos - family history. The rub is that family history only accounts for about a quarter of all new cases of breast cancer. (Family History, Inheritance, and Breast Cancer Risk) 

I think about how big the tumor would have been if I had to have waited until I was 40...and how much harder would it have been to treat?

Should you pay attention to your breasts, do self-exams, and look for changes? Absolutely.

My beef is that early detection is key, yet all opportunities for early detection aren't offered to everyone. Many of the young gals I met at the Young Survival Coalition found their cancer due to a lump...what if they had gotten an MRI at 20? Or 25? (MRIs are better with dense tissue, but they're expensive, and I believe only used after a mammo has picked something up. Digital mammos are better than the old mammo machines.)

If it's caught early, it is very treatable. Unfortunately, no one's looking diligently in the age group where it can make a big difference between life and death.

Fact is, they have to weigh the numbers. Health insurance isn't about ensuring you're healthy. It's about figuring where the money is best spent. The average age of occurence with breast cancer is 61 (www.breastcancer.org).

But, if you're younger, the disease has more years in which it can return, and it seems to be more aggressive - many times because it's had time to grow...and you, reader, should be able to answer this question. Why has it had time to grow? Because no one was looking for it.

And we seem to be back where we started. I can get myself all worked up over this. I try not to.

It's the "Cancer Catch-22". 

What Cancer Teaches, Part 1

Welcome to your new school! (Wish it were as cute as the little red schoolhouse on the left...and just a smidge as inviting.)

Cancer is a harsh teacher, but over the last year, I have come to see it as just that - a teacher. (Yes, I realize it's a terrible disease that wreaks havoc. I get it. I'm not a Pollyanna. It has made me pretty miserable at times...and yes, I'm understating.)

BUT...one key to getting along in this life rather that being dragged through it, is to try to get the most out of every situation...even cancer.

So, what does cancer have to teach? Lots of things, but I think these are the BIG ones for me.

First, cancer taught me to Just BE.

When I say, "JUST BE", I mean sitting with yourself and letting everything be okay.

Sounds easier than it is...at least for me.

This one was one of the hardest for me. I'm used to being constantly on the go. Anytime I would sit down to "just be", I'd feel guilty for not being active, for not accomplishing something - cleaning the house, writing, unloading the dishwasher,finishing the work I brought home...You name it. (I had a military father who was strict about not sitting when there were things to do...and there were always things that I should be doing.)

So, as I said, this one was REALLY difficult.

It started with a recommendation from the ObGyn/Shaman I met with in December. She recommended some grounding activities every morning - kind of like centering meditation. I started doing this and then just sitting on the sofa watching the bare trees in the yard, watching the world go by. That was it. I did a lot of NOTHING for the month of January. I just let everything BE...including myself.

Eventually, I started to tap an inner quiet, an ability to "watch" my thoughts without feeling compelled to act, without feeling "pushed" by those thoughts and feelings. I found this was helpful in managing fear to a degree.

I would say that I definitely felt more of a sense of inner power and strength to face whatever came. It was after starting this practice in January, that I was able to start facing the possibility of cancer again in February. I attended the Young Survival Coalition conference which led me to get my slides read again. When those results were confirmed, I was ready for the lumpectomy.

SO, how about you? How long can you sit with yourself and let your thoughts run across your mind - no judgements.

Try it. Get up ten minutes earlier. Breathe deeply. Stretch if you feel like it, and then just be.

Answer this question: If you were able to "just be", what would that look like? What would that feel like? 

P.S. Interesting note: After about four months of these grounding activities and "just being"...and an energy session with the shaman, I had a mammogram. Many of the calcifications in my left breast, were gone, disappeared, no longer there. It may not seem amazing. It didn't to me, even though the radiologist seem baffled. It didn't seem unusual until I found out that calcifications just don't disappear. It's supposed to be medically impossible.

More hooters

I saw this t-shirt hanging outside a shop in Juneau. Loved it...but not enough to buy the t-shirt.

Still, I thought it was worth sharing.

Got to laugh ladies!

(I LOVE that I now have hooters of which to speak...not thrilled with how I got them, but hey, I've got 'em now!!)

Scars

Scars ain't nothin' but a story.

My brother shared that with me recently.

It's true. Those of us with scars running across our chests may have breast cancer in common, but we each have our own unique story about how we came to get the scars, what we've learned, what we've lost - and gained, individual trials and difficulties...that sometimes seem unending and make you want to quit or give up.

Yet, you can look at those scars and see where you've been.

Sometimes I see them as slick, cool racing stripes. (I've thought of tattooing them in technicolor.) Sometimes, I see them as the battle stripes that they are.

They remind me of how tough and strong I can be - and at the same time how afraid, how changeable life is, how grateful I am, and I'm left with a knowing that, no matter what happens, I'll be okay. They're a reminder, to me, of how resilient the human spirit can be - and how enduring.

I think the most damaging scars are the ones we can't see.

Overdue Pics

I realized I never posted these pictures. (Never dreamt I'd be posting pictures of my boobies on the internet...I don't mind sharing them, as my friends well know. -- hee hee -- Who would have guessed that there could be a non-slimy reason to post pics of your boobs?)

Here's the mastectomy at 2 months - actually, these were two days shy of two months on September 11.

The scars over the nipples have gone down significantly. The lumpectomy scar is really fading.

So, what do they feel like? I kept taking paper or some other object and touching them to see where I have feeling and where I don't. The further out I get from the nipple, the more feeling I have. The feeling is mostly in the outer skin.

(It's odd to see something touching you and realize that you can't feel it.)

I have discomfort at the armpit area and along the sides of the "seams"/incisions. It'll feel like someone's sticking needles in me. I think some would call these "twinges". It's probably severed nerve endings trying to figure out what the heck happened...and probably none too happy about their situation.

I also have some discomfort along the sternum.

None of it is too terrible. Occcasionally, it'll catch me unawares, and I find I'm reaching for my chest because of an "owie.". It's a little like being "goosed."

See!! Don't those seams look good?!

You can really see that the scar around the nipple has gone down...I sometimes think it's the really tight booby harness that has worn down those scars!

It's these little details that I'm always asking other women who have had it done. So, I figured I'd post it here. Hope it helps!