Tittyology

Alaska

From the ms Statendam:

I've been in Alaska since the 12th. Amazing place...if you've never been, as I hadn't, I highly recommend it. I'll have pics to post upon my return.

I've always wanted to see a moose...so far...the count is up to ten (and some moose legs). One of those was a bull moose with a rack of approximately 70 inches!

My mom and I arrived on the cruise yesterday, and so far, this has been a great lesson in self-care...something I think a lot of us need to remember. It's been lovely and relaxing.

And...I heard an amazing comedian last night, ventriloquist actually - best I've ever seen...and laugh-out-loud funny. I'll be getting his information and posting it here to the site. Humor is fantastic for healing. It boosts the immune system...and this guy generated belly laughs. It was great.

All for now...I'm off to sit and read. Then it's time for tea.

Bon voyage!

From Kailash

Kailash referred to her tataz as "Titlets". I LOVE it!

About Kailash -

I met Kailash at the retreat. She's a beautiful person and a delight to be around. Check out her site. Her work is different than any other person's I've seen who does work with wardrobe, hair, and colors. She is able to make your outside match your inside.

It was on her suggestion that I had my hairstylist cut layers into my hair, and I really like the new do. My hair isn't as heavy. It moves now. I really liked it before, but I feel that now it matches my personality better.

She suggested I do this so I can wear it "au naturel", ie with the slight wave. My hair was so heavy that it would straighten out when dried. I'm going to try out wavy tomorrow!

Thanks, Kailash!

B.S. is new to me

I'm talking about BOOB SWEAT. (B.S. for short.)

Okay, those of you BBB gals (Born with Big Boobs)... this will come as no surprise to you. In fact, I dare say you probably barely even think about BS.

For me, however, this was a completely new sensation...and while this was odd, it was still welcome...any sensation around the boob area is welcome.

The first time it happened was at the Farmer's Market. It was a particularly humid Saturday morning. I'm walking toward my hubby and mom when I felt it. The trickle of sweat raced between the new tataz, like water on a slide. It was rather disconcerting.

What's one supposed to do? I'd think that rubbing across the boobs to blot sweat would be akin to scratching one's crotch. If not that bad, then fondling one's breasts in this manner is probably, in the very least, not very ladylike.

At this point, it didn't matter if it was rude to try to eliminate the BS, because I couldn't get to it anyway. I tried to casually press my tighter than tight bra against my skin, but to no avail. (I tried to accomplish this feat in an "oh so nonchalant" manner.) I wasn't successful in being nonchalant or in eliminating the pesky sweat. The reason -  you could bounce a quarter off this bra - it's that tight. It wasn't budging...not even slightly so I could blot some sweat.

It felt like that trickle was just a prelude for the waterfall that was to come. I could feel it building up in the canyon between the new boobs.

The next time it happened I was in New York City, and as they'd say here in New England, "It was wicked hot." - Or at least wicked humid.

I was walking to have lunch with a friend when it happened again. This time I didn't care about being polite or who was watching. I took some napkins and stuffed them down in the crevasse between my boobs. Ahhhh...relief.

I was never one to stuff my bra before (okay, I wore padded bras)...but I had never stuffed a bra until now - when I didn't need it.

This issue with BS got me to thinking about those scenes in movies where either the woman is putting money in her bra for safe keeping or she's pulling a hankie out from her bra area to hand to someone.

Now, I know the real reason they kept money and hankies in their bras!! --- To keep BS at bay.

Even Hummingbirds Rest

   I was sitting on the patio of my room at the Lowes Ventana Canyon Resort. From the patio, I could look out over the mountains and the Saguaro Cactus forests. I could even see the waterfall.

What I noticed and enjoyed this particular morning were all the birds going about their daily duties. Some flitted about. Some rested on top of the old saguaros, but they each were very busy with their business.

Then the busiest bird of all, the hummingbird, caught my eye precisely because it wasn't busy. It had stopped to rest in the tree.

Now, I love hummingbirds, and I know that even they rest, but as I sat there in the calm of the desert morning drinking my coffee, it struck me how very much like the birds we are. We get caught up in our Daily Duties, our chores, our "to do" lists.

As I watched this tiny hummingbird taking a break, I thought about how often I forget to take a break, to take it easy on myself.

I recalled once hearing how fragile the hummingbirds legs were, that its legs weren't meant to stand still and that's why they don't.

I wonder if we become so accustomed to rushing about that we lose the ability to stop...or if we do stop, it feels strange and we don't quite know what to do with ourselves...especially if we're not doing for others.

That's one of the lessons I learned...it is necessary to stop, to breathe, to just be. And, it's okay - even necessary - to do so.

How often do you stop to rest? To take a drink of water? To just be? (That one's the hardest.) - And how often do you do this with the sole intention of simply resting...without the "to do" list running through your head, making you feel guilty because you slowed your pace?

It took cancer and surgeries to slow me down, to get me to really stop.

Take time for yourself, away from the world. I'm finding that it's easiest to do this in the a.m. before I get too involved with my day.

Try it. Schedule it if you have to, but take the time to stop. After all, even hummingbirds rest.

Hog Tying Your Hooters

That's what it feels like, anyway. (I grew up in the South...thus the hog tying reference for those of you who may be "corn-fused".)

After the mastectomy, the plastic surgeon said I needed to get a really tight sports bra to wear once he took off the one they put on in the hospital. (This was especially necessary because the one they put on me was too large...even with the bigger boobs. So the plastic surgeon had to pad it pretty heavily...all kinds of irony there.)

I had several sports bras, but they all required that I put my arms over my head and slide them on.

As far as I was concerned, arms over the head was NOT happening right after the mastectomy.

Then there was the thought of getting the bra "stuck" on my chest. You know how when you pull the bra on, you pull it to the area above your boobs where it's usually rolled up a bit...once it's in this position, you finish pulling it over the actual boobages. (Or maybe that's just how I put it on.)

Anyway, I panicked at the thought of having to get my arms up, at the thought of anything scraping or pulling over my chest. I couldn't find anything that was tight enough, that didn't require being slipped over my head.

I finally found it...

This is the bra I ended up with. After looking all over the place...which wasn't too many places here in Newport, I remembered the bra shop I had recently visited. (I had done a story on bra fitting.)

I know...one might think that my first thought would have been to go straight to this shop and let her put me into what I needed. The fact that I didn't think to go there first - I blame it on the drugs.

I'm proud to say that the size is for C-DD...I'm on the D/DD end of it. (Grin.)

It's a cotton bra that hooks in the back with extra snap closures for stability. At first, I had to have help to get it on. Before long, at about 4 or 5 weeks, I was able to do it myself.

It's a Champion sports bra, style 072, and it definitely keeps the girls in place - important while the pocket is forming on the implants..and also important because they're now bigger.

She had another style that I liked...reminded me of SuperWoman's outfit. It was shiny gold, which I loved. It just didn't fit me as well as this one...I would highly recommend everyone be fit for the correct bra...but once you have a mastectomy, by all means, go to someone who knows what they're doing and get the bra you need!

Keep those new boobs snug while they recover and adjust...Keep up snug as a bug in a rug. Or shoudl we say...snug as a boob in a really tight bra.

Retreat!

I've been away. I attended a retreat...which was a prize for me, something I treated myself to...I'll talk about this more. I think self-care is a lesson we can all learn. I just happened to learn it from breast cancer.

I attended the Life Purpose Vision Retreat in Tuscon, Arizona, with my new business coach, Beth Davis (www.thehandanalyst.com).

(That's me with Beth.)

It was three days at the Lowes Ventana Canyon Resort. Beth scheduled the days such that we'd have time to relax. Plus, there was a spa visit included. (I had a most luscious facial from Heather...the girl has healing hands. It was amazing! - and my skin looked fantabulous afterwards.)

This was the view from my window. I adore the desert. It was especially beautiful due to the recent rains they've gotten. Apparently, the've gotten more rain than usual due to the Mexican hurricanes.

So why a Life Purpose Vision Retreat?

Well, I've spent a lot of time over the years working on figuring out my life purpose, why I'm here. I've always had a sense that I am here for a reason and knew that I was slightly out of step with that reason,that flow.

I had the purpose figured out before the retreat, and I wanted to come out of the three days with a more solid idea of what it would look like...which I did. The retreat was a HUGE success all around. It was an amazing group of people.

I even met a gal I've only known through email. Rochelle supported me in my mastectomy decision by giving me the low-down on what to expect, and she did it in a way that was caring, truthful, and non-threatening. (Beth knows us both as clients and hooked us up. Thank you, Beth!)

Rochelle and I are going to be doing a project or two around breast cancer. She, too, really got her life together once faced with breast cancer. We're going to do something on Finding Power in the Breast Cancer Experience - Emerging Stronger, Better. (That's me with Rochelle below.)

Rochelle calls herself a cancer "thriver" not survivor. She, like me, finds the word "survivor" somewhat objectionable. I'm nitpicky with language, and to me, survivor implies that I was once a victim...and I don't feel like I was. It's cool if you disagree about my perceptions of the word survivor. It's definitely a good thing to be. I just don't identify with the victim side of it.

In my eyes, I have to thank cancer for my getting really clear about what I wanted and why I'm here. The year I spent wrestling with cancer served to "bring me home to myself." I started listening to that "small, still voice." I started listening to my dreams and following my gut instead of dismissing it.

And you know what??

Life runs a lot smoother when I listen to and follow that voice - if not smoother, I'm much more at peace when I follow my heart - easier said than done for me. I think this is something I will need to be mindful of for the rest of my life.

I've learned a lot about myself in the last year and saw a lot of those lessons come to life before an audience at this retreat. Truly life changing!

So, cancer has been a gift. I think about where I was last year and look at where I am now. I never would have guessed nor could I have imagined...and I have a vivid imagination.

I loved my life before, and my life now is all that plus extra icing on top, and I saw that in spades while I was in Tuscon. I am blessed.