Permission to be afraid

The nature of cancer is fear...I'm not saying it's the cause necessarily, unless you equate fear with an absence of love, but that's another discussion. (And I'm not saying that we cause our cancer. There are too many variables.)

When I say fear here, I'm talking about the "punch in the gut" when you realize that you are suddenly connected to this thing called "cancer", this thing that is so desperately feared in our culture.

So, the first response for many people is fear...actually, I would say it's more in line with "terror".

Cancer seems so big...and some are worse than others, but that doesn't matter because it's the big "C". What I noticed is the fear in other people when I told them my diagnosis. You can see and feel the other person's fear of the disease. This was the reaction I got from people, which I found both understandable and interesting...and one of the reasons that there's a great need for more understanding of this disease.

Cancer has such a reputation that, when you hear cancer, you immediately think "death", "suffering", and sometimes "undefeatable". I think these are all normal reactions. It was certainly my fear last fall before I was even diagnosed...when there was just the possibility of cancer. It makes oyu think of all the things you may not get to do. Your imagination can run wild as you picture what your life may become.

It's a crummy place to be, and needlesss to say, a scary place...the unknown, facing an enemy that's defeated many people. Never mind all the people who have beaten it, some more than once, and gone on to live full lives. That's simply not our first thought when we hear "cancer". I should say, that was not my first thoughts at even the possibility of cancer...my mind didn't immediately go to all the people who have won against the disease. (I wish I were that enlightened!) It went first to my aunts who had died so young...and I wondered if that would be my fate as well.

This is cancer's effect and also what makes it, or any other disease, dangerous. Fear suppresses the immune system at a time when you need it most. BUT, the last thing you need is denial. Do not try to be brave...not for yourself or anyone else. Feel the feelings, and you will eventually move through them.

Know that the fear is normal; it is human, and you can get through the fear. I eventually did.