Tittyology

*FREE* 30-minute Session

I'm celebrating!

It was one year ago that I had my double mastectomy, that I became "officially" cancer free. I now consider it a "second birthday".

I am actually celebrating two BIG events, and I invite you to join me. The BIG EVENTS are…

1. My one-year anniversary of being Cancer Free … official date:  July 19, this Saturday!

2. The Official Launch of "Soul and Success"

In fact, I'm celebrating by giving something to YOU…and here's how you can HELP CELEBRATE:

1. Take me up on the *FREE* 30 minute session – instructions on how to get yours is below

2. Pass this offer on to your friends…there's no obligation here. I just want to celebrate!

(To make this EASY, just refer your friends to this page. You can also email me and I can send you a detailed page about the sessions, me, etc, etc. Click the Email Me Link in the top left.)

3. Raise a glass of whatever you like on the 19^th in a "Toast to Healthy TaTas" – and to your own health and well-being

4. While you're toasting, say a prayer and hold good thoughts for all those still facing whatever their difficulty may be.

How to get your *Free* 30-minute session:

· All you have to do is send an email to: info@soulandsuccess.com or just click the Email Me link in the upper left of the page.

· In the Subject Line put: "Celebration Session"

· In the email put: Your Name, Your Email, and Your Phone number so we can either call or email you to set up the session

That's it! There's no obligation for anything. I've been given much and want to give back.

I also wanted to keep this short…so, if you'd like more info…or if your friends want more info, email me at one of the addresses mentioned above. I'm happy to email you more info.

There's more on the sessions below.

To your Soul and Success…and to Celebrating life and lessons learned,

All my best!

: ) Sandra

WHAT CAN YOU GET OUT OF A SESSION?

If you're asking, "Is this right for me?" Here are some thoughts on that.

If you feel at all called to do this… If this stirs your spirit, sign up now. (Hint: Desire is a divine indicator. Desire is kind of like GPS – it's "God's Positioning System".) Follow it!

Second, it's a celebratory gift…what is there to think about? Join us in celebrating. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain…plus, these are going to fill up so quickly.

These sessions are for you …

• If you'd like some answers about a nagging health, business, or relationship problem. . .
• If you're mired in a replay loop of confusion, doubt or fear…you know what I'm talking about - the same problem or fear over and over and over again. Kind of like Ground Hog Day or a bad penny.
• If you're having boundary issues (time, relationships, etc.)
• If you need help interpreting a dream or other spiritual signs or symbols . . .
• If you've got spiritual "weirdness" going on and don't know who to talk to about it . . .
• If you want to go from "in fear" to "in gear" with your divine mission in life . . .
• If you're ready to stop struggling, get unstuck, release confusion and fear, and live a soul-based life of freedom, ease, and health using your innate spiritual gifts – like your ability to intuit, heal and create…

You're going to LOVE your 30-minute Celebration Session. It's a 30 minute, one-on-one soul reading.

This session can take any direction you like. It can cover one direction or many. My intuitive gifts are at your disposal for whatever you wish.

We can do dream work, spiritual patterns, success patterns, or tweak energy leaks, or you can ask about your health. You also ask about starting a business, creating info products, educational materials, or writing articles. It's your session to do with as you wish.

JUST FYI…

**In a session, I only give information about third parties as it relates to you. I do not "look" into anyone without that person's express permission. It's a violation of boundaries.

**NOTE: Any health insight is not a substitute for regular medical care and information. I do not give medical advice or knowledge. I simply point out the spiritual aspect of physical issues. I strongly believe in allopathic (regular) medicine. I've never worked from an either/or perspective, and I don't advocate this stance for others. I especially don't come from that point-of-view in my work…or in my personal health, and I never recommend that others do either. I am not a doctor nor do I play one in these readings.

ONE YEAR - Time to Celebrate!

I'm celebrating!!!

And, yes, I did have champagne this evening - love champagne! (I really like the Barefoot Bubbly...very drinkable.) I also bought myself flowers. (I'm currently at a hotel in St. Louis...thus the plastic cup vase.)

My hubs is in the country (that's why I'm in St. Louis)...he's taking me out to celebrate Saturday - the 19th is the "official" one year anniversary. We're not sure where we're going...but, of course, I'm thinking that chicken breast might be on the menu for me, maybe a variety of melons for dessert?

Even though the official date is the 19th, Saturday, I couldn't help think of where I was on this Thursday one year ago. I can't believe that one year ago today I was having a double mastectomy! It seems wierd...on several counts, one of which is that time can pass so fast...warp speed. (Yes, I'm a big Star Trek fan...just wish they could fix things like cancer with one of Bones' medical gizmos.)

Wednesday night, I was again thinking about where I was the year before...and even though I was comfortable and confident in the decision to have the mastectomy, just the thought of where I was "the night before the big event last year" made my stomach and heart do a flip. I could still "feel" it.

I remember being both calm and still scared...a strange combo. I remember a lot of people talking about how "brave" I was, and I remember thinking, "Ha...if they only knew." How is one brave when one thinks there's no other choice?

Courage?? Perhaps. I say "necessity" and the willingness to do what's needed. (My daddy always said I had the tenacity of a bulldog...maybe that was it.)

I remember going in that morning...no makeup this time. See, I think the "going without makeup part" was BRAVE!

(I didn't want to have to take it off afterwards. Didn't want to have to use the arms. So, I don't know how brave that is...it's more about the avoidance of pain.)

Either way, I thought I deserved some champagne and flowers. We have to be nice to ourselves...these "tatas" deserved a toast. (We dinged them with the cups...they didn't feel a thing.)

THIS IS WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT THURSDAY A YEAR AGO...

What I remember is the overwhelming urge to turn and run once I got to the check-in counter. Logically, I knew the surgery was the right thing for me to do and was good for my health. I trusted my doctors, but there was another part of my brain telling me I had lost my mind to let someone cut off body parts!

I was okay once I got into the prep room. Then, I felt myself starting to panic once again, and this time, I just started running through my visualization in my head.

I spent the rest of the day in a morphine stupor...Thank God for Morphine. I spent the next two weeks on a steady stream of Vicaden...I wasn't taking any chances with the pain. (Thanks to my friend Sara, who's also a nurse, for briefing me on pain protocols. And thanks to Dr. Tunney for turning me onto visualization and shamanic wisdom in healing!)

I will be speaking more and more on shamanic healing in the future. I've been remiss not to share. Truly, the shamanic techniques and knowledge and being introduced to that world not only reintroduced the world of my childhood to me, I credit it largely with the results we got with the cancer and surgeries..and I credit it very much for my peace of mind. Plus, all the great nurses and doctors I had, and the entire staff at Newport Hospital. (I've said it before and I'll say it again, I firmly believe in the use of both allopathic and alternative methods in healing. I don't understand all this either/or argument. Why not the best of both? Do what works.)

Lots of people have asked what I did...I will be sharing. I've been hesitant to do so, and not any more. Part of this whole experience from pre-diagnosis despair to the diagnosis and surgeries has been about owning who I am no matter what - no apologies.

I feel like I've been given a second chance. One thing I know for sure...I had searched for years for my Life Purpose to no avail. Part of the reason I was so disturbed by the possibility of cancer - aside from the fact that I didn't want to meet the Reaper any sooner than is natural - the reason I was so distraught was that I felt I hadn't found my Life Purpose yet. I didn't feel that I had found and accomplished what I was put here to do.

While I never would wish cancer, or even the mental torture of the possibility of cancer, on anyone, I can say that I wouldn't trade the experience. I've learned a lot, gained a lot – and yes, some of what I gained was in bust size. (Who can blame me?  I figured if I was going to have them off, may as well do some "redecorating".)

I've gotten very clear on my Life Purpose thanks to cancer. Actually, I credit my experience with cancer for leading me into a deeper knowledge of myself and the firm knowledge of why I'm here and what I'm to do...which I'll be sharing with you as well.

I officially launched my business today, "Soul and Success." I'll share more on that in another post...and to celebrate that launch, I'm offering *FREE* 30 minute soul reading sessions. I've been given much. I am grateful, and this is my way of giving back. Email me at the link on the top left to claim yours. Include your name, email and phone number.

(I'll be putting more info on sessions in the next post. I'll also be sharing about the 'real deal' about why I went silent on this blog for so long.)

I've also got another project I want to launch...I'm really excited about it. It involves direct assistance to women with breast cancer. I was in a great situation financially when I got breast cancer. But I know that other women, like one of my aunts, weren't. Managing cancer is hard enough without having to deal with financial worries or bills or how you're going to pay for groceries. It should never be a "treatment or light bill" kind of thought. Never. This project is my soul-ution. You'll be able to help!

So, lots to celebrate.

Most of all...I'm just glad to be here and to be healthy and to have found something I LOVE to do, something I was meant to do...my Life Purpose.

Two years ago when this whole ordeal started, I don't know if I could have pictured my current gratitude - or state of grace, really. I was so upset, angry, confused, and terrified.

But that is where I am now most of the time....grateful, at peace, and excited to be alive!

Diagnosis Anniversary!

One year ago today, I got the news...

The assistant walked in and laid the paper with the results on the counter. Normally, I'm a very nosy person. Not this morning. I had a feeling. So, I decided to just wait until Dr. O'Connor came in...and when he did, he picked up the paper, looked at it, looked at me, and said, "It was cancer."

Even though I half expected it due to the dream nine months earlier, it was still a bit of a shock. I will never forget the look on my hubby's face. I felt awful for him. (And, no, that's not some misplaced sense of duty and putting others before myself...believe me, I was scared for myself.)

I don't care if you're the one going through the ordeal head first (or boob first) or if you're the one watching, I don't think anyone wants to see loved ones in pain.

Dr. O'Connor continued to talk as he checked his work at the lumpectomy site. I heard him mention "radiation", "caught it early", "5 weeks", and all I that I can see is the second dream. It kept flashing through my head...this was a dream that I had after the first one that told me I had cancer. Except, I had not understood this dream until this moment. (This is the dream where I had seen the inside of my boob scooped out with bright white light filling the space where it had been scooped out.)

I now knew what that dream meant.

Then Dr. O'Connor told me exactly where they found the cancer within the specimen they took. It was exactly where the little man in the 1st dream had said it would be.

When he told me that, I knew I wanted my boobs taken off and replaced. The doc seemed a little surprised at my request. He told me it was possible to do, but he said I should go home and think about it first then come talk to him in a week.

My guess is he was surprised that after all those months of draggin my heels and debating what to do, that I'd be that drastic and even be that demonstrative about it. Plus, it is an extreme thing to do or have done, and he is wise, of course, to advise me to think about it. But, I was certain...not thrilled about doing it, but certain that's what I wanted to do.

Mom asked the doctor about treatments and how this would affect insurance...I was just hoping there'd be something around to be insured. After all, my aunts who had been diagnosed around my age had not fared too well.

Insurance for me at this point was the double mastectomy. That's how I saw it...that's how I still see it.

It's one year later and I do not regret my decision or the experience. I miss having sensation, but I have a bit on the right hand side, and I'm hopeful that it will regenerate. Both nipples seem to respond to temperature, which I didn't think was supposed to be possible.

To me, the nipples look a little funky, one's bigger than the other and looks stretched out. After taking these pictures today, I'd swear the left side looks smaller, looks like it may have moved to the left because if I squeeze them together they look the same, but...I know for a fact that they are the same size.

(After all, it says so on thier I.D. Cards.)

Here are the boobs as of May 8, 2008 almost ten months post-mastectomy and one year post-lumpectomy. All scars are looking pretty good.

The left one (your right) looks a little lower, not as full...there should be an air valve or pump on the side of these tings for refills.

Yes, I know the saline start that way, but really? Would that not be practical...some type of under-the-skin refill valve.

It would be possible on Star Trek.

This is the right side scar. The scar over the nipple is barely visible. I remember when it was bubbled up, and I was afraid it would stay that way.

Why celebrate the anniversary of my diagnosis???

To remind myself of where I was this time last year...and also to remind myself that I am one heck of a strong woman!

I am grateful to be well. Actually  . . . I am grateful to just be.

Beanie Boobies

This is a new category on Tittyology...and I LOVE it!

Leave it to the Japanese. I admire their quirky sense of fashion, love the food, and the country's given me one of my breast-est buddies. (She actually would roll her eyes at this one.)

Check it out. They're selling plush, stuffed breast toys....plush toys shaped like tataz.

They call them "breasts with at-tit-tude."

I realize that I may be crossing a line here that, once crossed, I may never return. First, I'm posting pictures of my own boobs. Now, I'm into Titty toys...it just sounds bad, doesn't it?

Notice that the darker breast above has a pierced nipple!

(If I were to do that, then that might definitely be too far...although when I think about it, I don't have any feeling in my left side. I wouldn't feel it which, from what I understand, defeats part of the purpose of having one's nipple pierced. I guess pain is a desired part of the experience...not that I know that much about nipple piercing.)

What I'm wondering is who their market is? What frightens me a little is that they're boobs with kid-like faces...I'm thinking creepy people with a thing for kids... shiver.

The itty bitty titty key chains are rather cute, though...but, wait, I already have a booby key chain. It lights up...and believe it or not...my right nipple still does, too. (Theoretically, I shouldn't be able to get "headlights" or "headlight" in this case - my left headlight is definitely out.)

Now I'm curious about nipple piercing...not getting it done. Don't worry... Inquiring minds have to know...I find the topic rather titillating.

Cancer sucks

Okay, so the word "sucks" isn't very lady like...or that intelligent.

I couldn't think of another word...stinks, bites, blows...not much better.

Maybe what I should have said is...

GRRRRRRRR!

That's how I feel.

What I want to say is, "I hate cancer." (Yes, I know this may sound odd, especially if you've heard me say that I now wouldn't change the last year for anything. I am a much better, stronger person as a result.)

Cancer just doesn't seem to want to go away.

Maybe it would help if I put up a "No Cancer Allowed" sign?

What do you think?

So, what's gotten me all riled up? Why have I seemingly - temporarily - lost my good humor? (I haven't. I'm just frustrated.)

I got an email yesterday from a gal I met at the Cancer Conference in February, and it wasn't good news. The cancer has spread. I knew that they had found three new spots after the conference, but they had started her on a new drug, and I thought it was working.

She started on another new drug yesterday. Pray for her...if you're the praying kind. She certainly is the fighting kind.

Then, I had another friend start radiation today...which is good news, I suppose. She had clean margins on the lumpectomy. I'm not bummed about her news. It just seems that cancer's everywhere...doesn't help that it's breast cancer awareness month.

As I shared in a post a couple of days ago, I'm very aware, all the time. Right now, it seems I can't escape being aware - and this is the "up close and personal" kind of awareness.

This is the IMAX version.

This is the holodeck experience. (Yes, I'm a Star Trek fan, and yes, I long for one of Bones' cure-it-all gizmos.)

(I hadn't shared this on the blog because I was away in Tuscon at the time...)

My mom had a recurrence scare...two months into her fifth year. One month after my mastectomy. Talk about worn out. It was like cancer didn't want us to rest or even to be able to enjoy being cancer free...we held our breath, and frankly, expected the worst.

The calcifications were at the previous surgery site and just to the side of it. It sure looked like the cancer had returned.

Mom dodged it, and it was welcome news. Talk about breathing a sigh of relief.

It was at this same time, that the friend I mentioned above was waiting for her diagnosis.

I just wanted to yell at it, "GO AWAY!" Or at least, "Give us a break, already!"

My friend, Babette, was diagnosed with DCIS earlier this year. She had clean margins and chose not to do radiation at the time. The recent lumpectomy was her second. The fact that the news was LCIS made it good news...could have been a lot worse. Thus, the radiation.

She started radiation today, and I've asked her to post about her experiences so that you get it first hand from her as radiation wasn't necessary for me because I had the mastectomy.

Keep an eye out for that info.

Maybe if we all get together and chant like we did as kids when we wanted the rain to go away so we could play:

Cancer, cancer go away!

Never come again, not another day!

"Natural" Boobs

This is "Booby Mountain". Cool, yes?

I took this shot in Anchorage, Alaska. The friends we stayed with told me about it...they actually live in the shadow of Booby Mountain.  Grin

Nice nipple, don't you think?

This gives new meaning to the term "Mother Earth".

Mysteriously Quiet

I know it may seem strange that a blog about boobs and breast cancer is mysteriously quiet about Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Truth be told, I'm not a big fan of breast cancer awareness month. I like pink, but that's not why I wear it.

The way I see it...I'm aware of breast cancer all the time, every month.

What gets me, is that they preach early detection. Early detection means if you're 40. That's when you have access to the "Titty Technology". That's when you'll start getting your mammos. (You may have a baseline at 35, and only if your doctor is progressive and believes in prevention...more are starting to do this, which is good. Yet, I say it should be even earlier.)

I've asked doctors across the country why not just screen earlier. Mostly, it's because the younger you are, the denser the tissue. This makes a mammo hard to see and interpret. So, they recommend breast self-exams with clinical breast exams starting in your 20s. (Cancer Prevention and Early Dectection Facts and Figures, breast cancer, p.30)

The problem is that if your breasts are lumpy and the tissue is dense, it's difficult to tell. 

In my case, which I consider lucky,I was getting mammos. (I had my first one at about 20 years old and yearly starting at 35.) No breast exam, self or clinical, would have caught my cancer. Was I lucky to have had a family history that warranted early mammograms? Did my aunts have to die so that I could benefit from early detection? That's why I was getting the mammos - family history. The rub is that family history only accounts for about a quarter of all new cases of breast cancer. (Family History, Inheritance, and Breast Cancer Risk) 

I think about how big the tumor would have been if I had to have waited until I was 40...and how much harder would it have been to treat?

Should you pay attention to your breasts, do self-exams, and look for changes? Absolutely.

My beef is that early detection is key, yet all opportunities for early detection aren't offered to everyone. Many of the young gals I met at the Young Survival Coalition found their cancer due to a lump...what if they had gotten an MRI at 20? Or 25? (MRIs are better with dense tissue, but they're expensive, and I believe only used after a mammo has picked something up. Digital mammos are better than the old mammo machines.)

If it's caught early, it is very treatable. Unfortunately, no one's looking diligently in the age group where it can make a big difference between life and death.

Fact is, they have to weigh the numbers. Health insurance isn't about ensuring you're healthy. It's about figuring where the money is best spent. The average age of occurence with breast cancer is 61 (www.breastcancer.org).

But, if you're younger, the disease has more years in which it can return, and it seems to be more aggressive - many times because it's had time to grow...and you, reader, should be able to answer this question. Why has it had time to grow? Because no one was looking for it.

And we seem to be back where we started. I can get myself all worked up over this. I try not to.

It's the "Cancer Catch-22". 

What Cancer Teaches, Part 1

Welcome to your new school! (Wish it were as cute as the little red schoolhouse on the left...and just a smidge as inviting.)

Cancer is a harsh teacher, but over the last year, I have come to see it as just that - a teacher. (Yes, I realize it's a terrible disease that wreaks havoc. I get it. I'm not a Pollyanna. It has made me pretty miserable at times...and yes, I'm understating.)

BUT...one key to getting along in this life rather that being dragged through it, is to try to get the most out of every situation...even cancer.

So, what does cancer have to teach? Lots of things, but I think these are the BIG ones for me.

First, cancer taught me to Just BE.

When I say, "JUST BE", I mean sitting with yourself and letting everything be okay.

Sounds easier than it is...at least for me.

This one was one of the hardest for me. I'm used to being constantly on the go. Anytime I would sit down to "just be", I'd feel guilty for not being active, for not accomplishing something - cleaning the house, writing, unloading the dishwasher,finishing the work I brought home...You name it. (I had a military father who was strict about not sitting when there were things to do...and there were always things that I should be doing.)

So, as I said, this one was REALLY difficult.

It started with a recommendation from the ObGyn/Shaman I met with in December. She recommended some grounding activities every morning - kind of like centering meditation. I started doing this and then just sitting on the sofa watching the bare trees in the yard, watching the world go by. That was it. I did a lot of NOTHING for the month of January. I just let everything BE...including myself.

Eventually, I started to tap an inner quiet, an ability to "watch" my thoughts without feeling compelled to act, without feeling "pushed" by those thoughts and feelings. I found this was helpful in managing fear to a degree.

I would say that I definitely felt more of a sense of inner power and strength to face whatever came. It was after starting this practice in January, that I was able to start facing the possibility of cancer again in February. I attended the Young Survival Coalition conference which led me to get my slides read again. When those results were confirmed, I was ready for the lumpectomy.

SO, how about you? How long can you sit with yourself and let your thoughts run across your mind - no judgements.

Try it. Get up ten minutes earlier. Breathe deeply. Stretch if you feel like it, and then just be.

Answer this question: If you were able to "just be", what would that look like? What would that feel like? 

P.S. Interesting note: After about four months of these grounding activities and "just being"...and an energy session with the shaman, I had a mammogram. Many of the calcifications in my left breast, were gone, disappeared, no longer there. It may not seem amazing. It didn't to me, even though the radiologist seem baffled. It didn't seem unusual until I found out that calcifications just don't disappear. It's supposed to be medically impossible.

More hooters

I saw this t-shirt hanging outside a shop in Juneau. Loved it...but not enough to buy the t-shirt.

Still, I thought it was worth sharing.

Got to laugh ladies!

(I LOVE that I now have hooters of which to speak...not thrilled with how I got them, but hey, I've got 'em now!!)

Scars

Scars ain't nothin' but a story.

My brother shared that with me recently.

It's true. Those of us with scars running across our chests may have breast cancer in common, but we each have our own unique story about how we came to get the scars, what we've learned, what we've lost - and gained, individual trials and difficulties...that sometimes seem unending and make you want to quit or give up.

Yet, you can look at those scars and see where you've been.

Sometimes I see them as slick, cool racing stripes. (I've thought of tattooing them in technicolor.) Sometimes, I see them as the battle stripes that they are.

They remind me of how tough and strong I can be - and at the same time how afraid, how changeable life is, how grateful I am, and I'm left with a knowing that, no matter what happens, I'll be okay. They're a reminder, to me, of how resilient the human spirit can be - and how enduring.

I think the most damaging scars are the ones we can't see.